Why I Can't Have Children

It has nothing to do with a physical inability. If such a condition exists in me, I am, at this point, blissfully unaware because I would have no way of knowing.

It's not court ordered. I haven't done anything to harm any child, though I'd be lying if I said the desire wasn't there.

It's personal awareness.

Yesterday was my sisters second boy/girl birthday party. Her birthday is in March, but she likes to have it during summer vacation out in my parents yard. I can't say I blame her; in hindsight, I wish I did the same thing. This year she had a combined birthday party with another friend of hers, which, I'm assuming, freed up more funds as there were 2 parental incomes to drain. As a result, this party was pretty freakin' huge. They had a DJ and certain separate foods for parents and children and God knows what else. All in all, it was a very nice party and I'm glad I was able to attend.

Last year... was a different story. I was nearly banned from my sisters birthday this year due to my behavior last year. But to be fair, the behavior in question was completely in reaction to the unacceptable behavior of beastly children.

I know, I'm the adult... I should act like it and be able to keep my cool. They're just showing off and they don't know how to act, right? Yeah, sure, but come on people. There are certain things you just don't do no matter how old you are, end of story. But, again, kids are kids and do things wrong even when they know they're wrong and parents need to be aware of it and act accordingly. This is something I'm not good at.

I demanded that they give me $1 each for the bottles of water they were wasting dumping on each other. This was mainly directed at the boys. Don't pretend you don't see why the boys would want to get in a water fight. Development is innumerably more interesting at that age than at any other, that's all I'll say. But the girls were being unnecessarily naive about it too. Didn't have the effect I wanted because kids don't like feeling like they're being singled out, even when they aren't. They don't understand why it's a different kind of wrong based on their sex and adults need to be more diplomatic about cross-gender issues. This is something I'm not good at.

After that I couldn't handle the unyielding attempts of "couples" to disappear together. Yes, "couples." Because hand holding doesn't constitute relationship in my book... it didn't when I was that age and it doesn't now. I may have been physically shaking after a while. Not really, but I was getting seriously irritated and I didn't want some parent yelling at me for something I said to their kid. My mom was able to remain calm and handle the situation with a level head. This is something I'm not good at.

This year... I was much more laid back. My mom made a few great changes to the formula for the party that I'm assuming she learned through mistakes made last year. Parents were invited, and because she had better food and drinks for parents only, more of them actually stayed. Jabari, my sisters basketball coach and father of a friend, along with my brother were good chaperons. They were playing wiffle ball with them and were involved in whatever else the kids were doing. They are better at it than I think I'll ever be. They somehow react to the errors kids make (that was a very kind choice of words) more smoothly and respond more similarly to the way they would an adult while still establishing their dominance. They're in charge and make it known, but they don't make the kids feel like "just kids." This is something I'm not good at.

Did you notice how I ended the last 4 paragraphs? "This is something I'm not good at." It's not that I'll never be, I'm just not ready to be. I'm far too selfish, and honestly I don't feel too bad about it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... this is the only time in my life that can seriously be "me" time. Once I have a kid, that's all gone. And I'm aware of it. I'm aware of the repercussions and I'm aware of my shortcomings. Self awareness is key.

I get irritated when I go to a public place with lots of kids and they're all over the place. And, realistically, I think some of what I'm irritated about is well-founded. There is a disurbingly large number of parents out there who obviously weren't ready and weren't as self aware as I am. As a result, their kids run wild in the streets like ruffians. Kids run wild, yeah, but they also need boundaries and a lot of them don't seem to be getting enough of them.

I came across this line in the book I'm reading yesterday:

Parents always make their worst mistakes with the oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right.

Now, this was a statement made by one character deliberately to force a reaction from another, but there's a little bit of truth to it... It is a "mistake" that many parents make and must make in order to learn from it. I think a lot of my problem with many parents has this at it's core. Change it to apply to all children and not just the oldest, amplify it, and add in a bit about parents believing their children have and never will do anything wrong... and bingo, you have a big mess of kid's who are more in control of their parents than their parents are of them.

This is something I want to avoid. I'm hoping I'll know when I'm ready to put someone else's needs in front of my own. Because at that point I'll be ready to learn, from many mistakes I'm sure, how to obtain the abilities that would have allowed me to end those paragraphs with: "This is something I'm good at."

So really, I guess, you can add to the title of this entry "... Yet"


Oh and for anyone who's wondering, the book I'm reading is called Xenocide and it's by Orson Scott Card. It's geeky sci-fi and the third installment in the Enderverse.

Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King

First of all, I've been addicted to this album from the moment I finished listening to it the first time. Add to that the fact that I love DMB and the result is that this review is likely going to be biased. Remember, though, I was critical of the last album so I do have it in me to dislike what Dave Matthews Band does.

Let's take a look at what I first saw when I opened the package I received containing my Dave Matthews Band's Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King LP:


Woa. That's... different. I'm pretty sure that's the sentiment 99% people have when they first see it. I know I did. I was waiting to see what the cover would look like. For those of us following DaveJMatthews on Twitter, we knew for a while that Dave had been "scribbling" the album cover. In "The Road to Big Whiskey" Dave mentions that in the first draft, the GrooGrux King looked TOO MUCH like LeRoi Moore. I actually would like to see that, cause it was evident immediately, to me, that that's who the king was.

Each panel contains some insane drawing. The art is all very surreal and... crazy looking is the best way I can describe them:


There are a lot of visualizations of lyrics on the album, such as "the snake in the wood pile" and another cool treat is that all the lyrics were handwritten by Dave Matthews himself. Well, copies of his handwriting anyway.


So the Dave art is kinda neat. The title? Big Whiskey apparently came from a homeless man. According to the band, this guy was walking around saying "I need a big whiskey" over and over again and then Dave gave him a $20 bill. He thought it was a smaller bill and started to say "I said a BIG Whis... that IS a big whiskey!" Rashawn Ross, the sit in Trumpet player mentioned he thought "Big Whiskey" would make a good album title. The band agreed.

GrooGrux King came from a nickname that LeRoi Moore, Carter Beauford (drums), and Tim Reynolds (lead guitar) had for each other. It seems like it's hard to describe what it in fact means. What I got from Carter's description is that it means being in the zone with your music... to be playing something so great, that you need a new word for it: "Grux." Not sure where the Groo came in... myabe short for "groove"? In the album title, they're calling LeRoi Moore the GrooGrux King, the king of the grooves so good they need a new word to describe them. That's my interpretation anyway.

But what about the music? Here's my thoughts on each song:

Grux : Slightly over a minute long, this intro to the album features LeRoi Moore with the rest of the band in the background. Starting the album with Moore was an obvious way to tell the listener, right from the start, that this album is a tribute to him.

Shake Me Like A Monkey : A song about that fun time at the beginning of a relationship when you're borderline obsessed with the person. Not the first time DMB tackled this subject. The song begins with Dave imitating the last note Moore hit in Grux repeatedly until Carter's drumming kicks the band in gear. (This first part before any lyrics is my current ringtone, haha.) Rashawn Ross's trumpet is very prevalent in this song, it's very brassy and bold, so the fact that it's pretty much all electric guitar fits like a glove. This song immediately struck me as the bands new opener. It's fast, loud, intense, and gets you moving... everything a good opener should be. The bridge is my favorite part of the song, but in general it's just fun to listen to.

Funny The Way It is : The first single from the album, we heard this song on the radio in the months leading up to the release. The title is pretty literal. It's about the strange way life on this planet works. I wasn't sure what I thought about it at first. Initially it seemed Stand Up/Everyday-ish, but after I listened to it a few times I realized it's kind of like those songs early on that didn't sound all that great until you listened to it a few times. It's a single. Let's just leave it at that. DMB fans notoriously don't really care for the singles that much. They're good, but they're not what we love.

Lying In The Hands of God : I was really excited to hear this one. I'm pretty sure this title got out way before most of the others. It is Dave and Tim concert, acoustic greatness... there's something about Tim Reynolds on an acoustic guitar. To me this song lyrically is more abstract than most. It's not clear exactly what it's about. To me it's about doing what you know is right and good no matter how people try to change how you feel. The lyrics that lead me to this conclusion: "If you never flew why would you cut the wings off a butterfly?" and "If you knew what I feel then you couldn't be so sure. I'll be right here lying in the hands of God." This song sounds like longing with it's very drawn out notes. Makes me wish for a better world where people would let everyone be great in their own way.

Why I Am : An anthem for LeRoi Moore. The band has stated repeatedly that this was his favorite of the songs they were working on. It's just an awesome song. Supposedly it's due to be the second single on the album... this is the most surprising choice for a single since "Don't Drink The Water" in my opinion. Perhaps they want everyone to hear LeRoi's favorite song. The lyrics for this one contain the album's title. This is a duality song... good and evil, right and wrong and why both are necessary, but it's also about accepting the good in people over the bad. The conclusion Dave comes to is "Heaven or hell, I'm goin' down with the GrooGrux King." Very Humanist of him, wouldn't you say? This is another fast one. I don't really think they could open with it, but we''ll see I guess... it's more a mid-set up-lifter song if you ask me.

Dive In : I love this song. I don't care what anyone says. It's a very studio song, but it's great. Chris Adriance said that it sounds like the end of a movie... I agree. It feels like closure, acknowledging the bad, trying to strive for better and hoping/knowing it will work out in the end. It's got some piano in it which is nice, and it's got a much more manufactured(?) sound to it. I really would have though this would have been a single, not "Why I Am". Only this band could follow up these lyrics:

I have been thinking that lately the blood is increasing,
The tourniquets not keeping hold in spite of our twisting.
Though we would like to believe we are, we are not in control,
Though we would love to believe...

With this chorus:

Wake up sleepy head,
I think the suns a little brighter today,
Smile and watch the icicles melt away and see the water rising.
Summer's here to stay, and those sweet summer girls will dance forever.
Go down to the shore, kick off your shoes, dive in the empty ocean.

Aah... I love the sweet sound of despair followed up with hope. I love this freakin' song. It sounds like summer to me, and not just because of the lyrics.

Spaceman : A folksier tune, this one's about losing your way and getting back on track while learning from your misfortune. It's, in short, about being human. Dealing with the world we live in. Making this song more folky does a lot to make it sound like it's about the every-man. I love the banjo. There's quite a few good lyrical quotes in this one.

Squirm : This one is creepy-crawly and kind of sends a shiver up your spine. It paints a darker picture man... shining light on our demons and how, even today, we can be "Sweet Primitives." Not my favorite song on the album, but it's a good song. There's some strange singing at the end that sounds distant. Chris told me he heard that it was a street performer they liked so they put him on. That would kind of fit with the song.

Alligator Pie : This one has got to be really fun for Dave. Originally titled "Cockadile", it's obviously a song for his daughter Stella. Dave has twin daughters, Stella and Grace. There are quite a few songs that feature the name/word "Grace," most notably "Grace is Gone." He said at Beacon Theater that Stella was wondering when she was going to be in a song. My favorite lyrics from Alligator Pie are:

Remember how it feels,
Lazy days in the summer time.
My Stella smiles,
She said 'Daddy, when you gonna put me in a song?'

They recorded this album in New Orleans, and if the area influenced any song, I'm gonna say it's this one... it sort of reminds me of "Louisiana Bayou." It's Cajun, I don't know how, it just is.

Seven : This song's awesome. It starts with this guitar riff that to me sounds tribal, then the lyrics come in and it's more fun and carefree. The lyrics tell of having an epiphany on the strength of feelings for someone special. "Mama told me boy someday that girl will steal your mind, and then you'll know. I never knew, but I do now." Kind of speaks for itself, doesn't it? I'm still not sure what the title means though. My only thought is the Seventh Sacrament.

Time Bomb : A lot of their albums have at least one angry song. This is that song. As the title eludes, it's about being ready to explode. "I'm a ticking time bomb, waiting to blow my top. No one would ever know, not until I blew up." I'm confused about what exactly he's gonna blow up about though. I like this song, I think it's ok. But as far as angry songs go, I'm a much bigger fan of "Halloween."

My Baby Blue : This song is essentially the song "Sister" that Dave plays by himself on stage frequently in the past 3 years, except slightly altered. This version is a farewell to LeRoi Moore: "I confess, I'm not quite ready to be left." It's not strictly about LeRoi, though I believe the band treated it that way personally. It's a universal song about losing someone you care about. I'm not sure if LeRoi had blue eyes, but I don't think that's the point. It's just a way of identifying with the things you remember about someone when they go before you. Dave's voice cracks quite a few times in the song, it's not a happy song, just a realistic one. Because of the acoustic gutiar and Dave's cracking voice, this one feels very personal.

You & Me : It's like an American Dream song. It's about building a life together with someone. Totally acoustic and screams Dave Matthews Band single, if you ask me. It's short and sweet and fun sounding. It'll be on the radio eventually, I bet you anything.


After "You & Me," there is a long silence and then a short clip of Moore playing a small riff repeatedly with the rest of the band behind him. The riff sounds less like a riff than it does a saxaphone player warming up. But it was nice that they were able to begin and end the album with their fallen friend.

Sorry, another long one about DMB and there's another one coming about SPAC. As I've said, I'm writing these more for myself than anyone else.

Dave Matthews Band

Note: I wrote this one more for myself than anything, so I won't be hurt if no one really reads it. It's quite long.

Anyone who's known me in the past 10 years knows that I am a DMB fanatic. At first I resisted when my cousin Tammy introduced my mother to the band. Then my good friend Chris, who is a superfan that puts me to shame, just wouldn't let it go and forced me to listen a little closer. Once I acquired the taste, I knew that I'd forever be a DMB-aholic.

I got into DMB pretty late in the game, and because of that I have an appreciation for the albums Everyday and Busted Stuff that a lot of the older fans will never have. Sure, Everyday is all electric guitar and the songs aren't as developed as the greats, but they were still GOOD songs. And yes, Busted Stuff is pretty much the same thing as the leaked Lilywhite Sessions that caused DMB to lose their greatest producer. But I didn't know that the first time I listened to it, so that bad taste never got into my mouth when I heard it.

When Stand Up came out, though, I was pretty disappointed. The album seemed shallow and empty compared to the gigantic library of deep, meaningful, emotion-evoking songs that I was already taking for granted.

Even so, the fact remains that no true DMB fan likes them for their studio work. We appreciate it, sure. Before These Crowded Streets is their greatest album in my mind. The perfect mix of bitter and sweet and those amazing between-track songlet intersessions that meld them all together. But, lets be honest here... the live performances are where it's at.

The studio albums are the skeleton of band. It provides them with a solid foundation of work that they can always rely on to be sturdy. The talent each member has are the muscles that bend the bones, molding the material into infinitely new possibilities. The shows, though, are the soul. You can't put your fingers on it, you can't begin to describe it effectively, but it's there.

It works with any single song. It's easy to describe a song positively as it is about death and manages to stay hopeful at the same time. But all that can tell you is that the song is good. When you add to it each members personal twist, the song starts getting better. When you see them perform it live, when whatever is going through their head is evident in their movements and in the direction the music is going, then the song becomes great.

Stand Up disappointed me. But the tour after it came out terrified me. My friend Chris is the person who I've been to the most shows with. We both remember leaving a show and silently thinking "Crap. This band is done."

We should have known better. Dave Matthews Band has always been better as the underdog or in the face of tragedy. Dave lost his father when he was 10... something he admits he may not have properly dealt with yet. Then, after years of touring, the band started to get some real recognition. Success was in site and things were going great. Their live album release, "Remember Two Things" came out before any studio work could be done, and still managed to sell extremely well. But everything paused in 1994 when Dave's sister, Anne, was murdered by her husband who then took his own life.

The band took only one show off before returning to the stage. Dave played a song called "Sister" the first show after the killing, which has never been played again. They finished the tour and then recorded their first (and one of their best) albums: Under The Table and Dreaming, which was dedicated to Anne. In the next 4 years, 2 other albums would be released: Crash and Before These Crowded Streets. Most fans consider these first 3 albums to be the best the band has ever done/will ever do in the studio.

Some of the best songs, lyrically, are pretty obviously derived from the death and loss in his life. They become great because the music reflects the emotions of the lyrics. So after 3 albums that most real fans of the band considered to be sub-par, and tours that felt nothing close to what we knew the band was capable of. I, for one, began trying to come to terms with the idea that my favorite band had peaked just before I could get into them.

Then LeRoi Moore, original member and the entire winds section of the band, passed away last year. He was in an ATV accident at his house in Charlottesville, Virginia (where the band originated) that resulted in broken ribs and a punctured lung and was was forced to leave the tour. When recovery seemed likely, he took a turn for the worse and died due to complications from the injury. In the documentary "The Road to Big Whiskey," Dave says that the monitors Moore had in treatment of his punctured lung failed to stop a blood clot from forming and traveling up to his carotid artery and suffocating his brain of oxygen.

The morning I heard, I was a little taken aback. I was good for nothing that day, and I couldn't really figure out why. I never met the guy, I don't know him or his family. It was completely selfish of me to be affected by his death. But when I started to think about it, it really isn't selfish. One of the 5 guys that have created the music sounds greatest to my ears is gone. He will never help create new songs nor will he decorate songs with his own twist on stage in front of me.

Every time I went to a show, I always wanted to hear one of the solo's where Moore incoporated songs from The Wizard of Oz. I thought it was neat and it was something to look forward to. I've never heard a sax player that played like LeRoi Moore. Dave said something on that "Road to Big Whiskey" documentary that went like this: "He plays like he's not there." That hit home, that's exactly it. The sax presence is there, but it's not shiny and loud and attention grabbing. You only really notice it when it's gone. It was a vital part of the song, and it's gone.

I thought, for sure, that this was going to be the straw that broke the camels back. But I was wrong. Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King is one of their best albums. Most DMB fans probably disagree, but I would put it up there with the first 3. From what I hear, they managed to use an incredible amount of Moore's recordings from previous sessions in the song. According to an interview in RELIX magazine, Dave said that only the song "‘Squirm’ was written after Roi had passed on. Otherwise, every saxophone solo moment on the album is LeRoi."

The album was great, and what's more impressive is that the tour has been great, even without LeRoi.

I'm going to write my review of Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King and of my experience at SPAC's second night of DMB this year on this blog.

I realize this was very long and in it I'm promising to write even more about the band, but I felt like an explaination was in order for anyone who reads this. Honestly, it could have been way longer... I really tried to keep it to a minimum.

Beware the Oscillating Menance of Litter Box Land

So my cat was being ridiculously nice and sociable last night/this morning. She spent much of the night in the bed and around us... something she hasn't done since she was tiny and we kept the bedroom door closed at night to keep her in.

This mornings "I don't want to get up" time was spent in bed in a sort of state of shock... She was actually physically lying in bed with us? And neither of us forced her into it?! I was, at this point, capaciously confounded. She's a great pet and she greets us when we come home, but she sure does like her space.

But anyway, I eventually got my ass out of bed and started my morning routine. While brushing my teeth, though, I noticed that she was looking through the little gap between my opened bedroom door and the doorjamb. She would look through, then hide behind the door, and repeat. This peeked my interest and upon investigation I learned that she was, in fact, stalking the floor standing fan we had in the room last night.

We got our cat, Java (named geekily after the programming language and my favorite beverage), last fall. Until last night it hasn't been warm enough to warrant the electricity drain of the AC or a fan, so this was her first experience with what she must think is some kind of strange mechanical nightmare. I kid you not, she was terrified.

When I got up I unplugged the fan so at this point it was no longer moving. I've never seen her "stalk" like this. Usually she only ever employs the "butt-wiggle and pounce" technique. This time, though, she was stalking so slowly it was hard to tell she was moving at all. Slowly but surely she got closer and closer to the fan. I grew impatient and carried her to the fan so she could smell it and see it better... but after a few sniffs, she wasn't having it and ran away.

Unfortunately, the only real place to put the fan in the bedroom that makes any sense is also directly adjacent to the doorway of her litter box. I moved the fan out of the bedroom, but she didn't know where it went and when we left she was still wary that it would return to its post at the litter box. I hope she can go to the bathroom without the fear of what I'm now calling "The Oscillating Menace of Litter Box Land."

I'm just glad we realized how frightened she was of it before we left. Otherwise, we may have come home to little presents all over the furniture.

NEWS FLASH: Reacting to Stubbed Toes Illegal in Colonie

Now I'm generally a pretty liberal kinda guy. I don't mind higher taxes for the rich, and frankly I don't mind if my taxes go up if I'm making more than I really need. But seriously, they make it really hard to defend that point of view when all that tax money is misused.

The Town Board of Colonie is scheduled to review new noise ordinance legislation at 7PM tonight. Before I even go into the ridiculousness of this legislation, I'm going to propose to you that if the Town Board is being paid to be there tonight, that right there is how the first few tax dollars will be wasted on this circus show.

The Bill

I was trying to find a copy of the bill to link to here, but I can't seem to find it. If anyone else can find it, send me it and I'll get it in here.

In essence, the bill would result in a $50-$250 fine or JAIL TIME for breaking a new ordinance that restricts noise to 70 decibels during the day (7AM - 10PM) and 60 decibels at night.

The Problem

Well first, let's try to understand what this means in terms of real life.

• 70 Decibels = A Vacuum Cleaner
  
• 60 Decibels = Normal Conversation Between Adults
  

OK. So, maybe it's not so bad. After all, a vacuum cleaner is pretty loud, why would you need to be louder than that? "Those darn kids" will just have to keep their racket down.

Never mind the fact that I have spent a sizable amount on stereo equipment and have been waiting to be in a house to really use them as to not disturb neighbors residing in the same building. Even if that's not a problem, what about normal human emotions? What about reaction to pain?

Let's say I get in a heated argument and I start yelling about it. No, forget that, let's say someone in your house is vacuuming and you need to get their attention. That's illegal... because in order for them to be able to hear you, you'll have to make your voice louder than the vacuum cleaner.

Here's another situation: It's 10 PM and I'm out on my lovely back yard, talking friendly with neighbors, and my shin has an unfortunate run in with a patio chair. My normal human reaction to this situation would be to yell some obscenity and then get over it. No, not anymore. I can go to jail for that now.

Then there is the issue of this law getting abused. I respect police officers and understand that they protect and serve me, but they are also human beings and are subject to every flaw you and I are subject to. What if Joe Shmow gets pulled over and the police officer decides he doesn't like the look of him or doesn't like his attitude. (You're kidding yourself if you really believe it never happens. This is the world we live in, for better or worse.) All the cop has to do to give himself the right to arrest the guy is evoke an emotional response. It's not as hard as you might think either.

Yeah, now you think I'm some kind of crazy conspiracy theorist. No, I don't expect the police to act like that, I really don't think it would happen much at all. But it COULD happen. And I don't like that.

Would it mean taking away people who deserve to be? Such as "domestic disputes" that are the only real evidence of a man who beats his wife. Yeah, I'm sure you'd get a bunch of them on it. But all you're gonna get, max, is the ability to take the guy away for a little while and send him back angrier than he already was.

We're human beings, we have human emotions and sometimes they're really really loud. Good! Let them be loud! If I've learned anything in life it's that nothing ever really goes away. If you don't deal with your emotions (anger included) properly, then you better be ready for an explosion, cause it's coming whether you like it or not.

I get sad, I get mad, I get upset, and I get frustrated. Sometimes the only way to deal with something is just to just freakin' scream. I should have that right.

It's as if that crazy Nazi library individual went nuts, left the library, and has decided that not only the library, but the whole town should SHHH! You know the person I'm talking about. The one who's EVERYWHERE in the library telling you to shut up. The one you're pretty sure doesn't even work there but has nothing else to do with their life? Yeah, "that guy". They're behind this law, I'm sure of it.

Still not painting a vivid enough picture for you?
Here's a thousand words to help you out:


So say goodbye to family picnics, graduation parties, or even singing Kumbaya by the fire too loudly without the fear of being criminally charged. Also bid adieu to well-kept landscaping as lawn mowers spew out 90 decibels, but that's nothing compared to the ridiculous 110 decibels that chainsaws pollute your community with. We'll have to let lawns become weed gardens and downed tree's become weed garden ornaments.

We're either gonna end up with more people who are affected by this for no good reason OR you're gonna end up with people who are just gonna fight it on the premise that the ordinance is ridiculous and get away with it anyway... because it IS ridiculous, rendering it unenforceable.